So, this is how today went with my son whom I have diagnosed with ADHD(a doctor is going to confirm my diagnosis soon).
I woke up at 8 a.m. and went to go check on the kids. "Still asleep...I am going back to bed." As soon as I crawled into bed to catch up on my sleep, I heard the dreaded squeak of the door. I was wishing I was invisible but my powers once failed me miserably. "Momma? Can we have Kardia in our room?" Kardia is my dads dog that we are dogsitting while he is out of town. Jacobs voice is sweet and caring but I know that he would end up stepping on the dog because he doesn't take into consideration his surroundings. "No, Jacob, her kennel needs to stay in the living room." He stormed out of the room and I could hear his door slamming. At 6 1/2 years old, the door slamming is a new but powerful way for him to let me know he is angry and he needs my attention. I already know that it's going to be a long day. I decide to put an end to my torture before it begins and I stay in bed until 9. I crawl out of bed still wishing for invisibility. I go and check on the kids. What do you know? Kardia is in his bed and he is putting a blanket over her. It looks like he is trying to smother her but I am sure he was just playing. Kardia quickly notices I have come to her rescue and tries to escape but Jacob quickly closes the door. I remind him again (for the 1,098th time) that Kardia can go where she wants in our house. This causes much huffing from him and he falls backwards on his bed as if I just told him the most devastating news in the world. I asked them what they wanted for breakfast and Vic wanted Braums biscuits and gravy. Jacob says, "Mom, what if your car had wings and you could just fly there because it will be faster?" "Yes, Jacob, that would be faster but the question was, what do you want for breakfast?" "I want a Sonic sandwich." "No, what do you want at Braums?" "I guess I will have biscuits and gravy, oh, if your car was a boat and the streets were water, you could get there really fast." It's much to early in the morning for my brain to process what he is talking about so I leave the room with Kardia at my feet and get dressed to go to Braums. When I return I called them to the table. "Jacob, sit down and eat." I am not going to type how many times I said that sentence as one can just assume that I said it about 49,000 times. He finished one biscuit and was up and running. "Jacob, please don't climb up there. Jacob, that isn't a play area. Jacob, the arm of the couch isn't a diving board. Jacob, you just stepped on Kardia." These sentences are now just automatic things that I don't know that I am saying, they just leave my lips. Unfortunately the tv is broken in the living room so we have been watching tv in my room on my bed. Vic is very laid back and quiet and has no problems with where she sits or if she has covers or pillows or anything. Jacob is angry because he can't find the brown pillow. "You took it EA!!(pronounced E-a...he doesn't say VictorIA...he just says the last syllable.)" "I didn't take it Jacob. It's on the floor." "You threw it down there!!" I could tell that as his voice gets higher he is getting more and more agitated about being right and that the world is out to get him. I pick up the pillow and hand it to him so as to avoid the crisis that was about to unfold. I know that by letting him play on the computer, it will buy me some much needed time to pick up the house and start laundry. So, I get him going on some online games and start cleaning up. I have to check on him about every 10 minutes because in my head he is getting mad at his game not going as planned and he can't win and the computer gets thrown at the tv or he bashes it on Ea's head or something along those lines. When I tell him that it's now Vics turn to play on the computer, it turns into a meltdown of epic proportions in which his boneless body goes sliding off the bed and he hits the floor with a loud boom. I ask if he's okay and he mumbles, "I never get to play the computer." There is no point in me telling him that he just played for 30 minutes because it will turn into an argument I can't win."Okay, fine, Jacob, just stay on the floor." After 2 minutes of being down there, he gets up and starts putting more pillows on the bed. He stands on the edge and falls, without fear, face first into the pillows. This occurs about 500 times. I continue to do house work but I notice that every place I have picked up now has a mess again. I know the culprits name is Jacob but I can never seem to catch him in the act as he has warp powers that make him super fast. I continue on with my daily phrases, "Jacob, the headboard is not a chair. Jacob, pick up that toy. Jacob, why is there a light bulb in the toilet? Jacob, that toy is broken...no matter how many batteries I put in, it won't work. NO, Jacob, we have vitamins before bed like every night, not in the morning. Jacob, please just be nice to sister." These things get exhausting because I may say them up to ten times a day. It is now about 1:00 and we have to go get food from the store. I have to take a shower before we go so I give the instruction,"Jacob, don't touch your sister!" About half way through the 5 minute shower I hear Victoria let out a wailing cry and I am really wishing for invisibility at this time. "What happened?" "Jacob flicked me on my cheek?" "Jacob, why did you flick sister?" He gets angry and claims that he didn't do it. That's what his comeback is for everything. That and "I don't know." Those are his two favorite sayings. "Go to your room and sit on your bed until I come get you!" Door slammed again. I get dressed and go to the other bathroom to blow dry my hair. I come out and see Jacob with white stuff all over his face. "What's on your face?" "Nothing." "It smells like powder." In my head I am shouting, "Dear God, he got into the powder and has poured it all out somewhere!" I run to the bathroom and the powder feels lighter but I have no idea where he spilled it. I look all over and still can't figure it out. I question him. "Jacob, where did you pour out the powder?" "I didn't do it!" "How did it get on your face?" "I don't know! I just was in there going to the bathroom!" As I growl something at him, I walk off to get a drink(no, not alcohol...). I go and tell the kids to get dressed so we can go to the store. Jacob comes out in his pajama top and some shorts. I tell him to go get a shirt on. It takes me about 20 minutes to get us all ready to go to the store as the fights with Jacob seem to be mounting. The 15 minute drive to the store is basically Jacob talking non-stop about a dinosaur that had wings and could swallow cars and eat people and if he had a jack hammer he could just jack hammer the dinosaurs head. Yes, this is what I have to listen to. We arrive at the store and before we get out I have to go through my quick play by play chat. "Okay, we are going inside to get food. We are only getting food. There will be no toys or clothes or anything fun on this adventure so don't even bother asking because my answer will be NO. There will be no fits or throwing yourself down in the isle because you will be left there to cry by yourself. Are we clear as water or clear as mud?" They both say water and we exit the vehicle. When we get in I had forgotten to say that no one was riding in the cart(I haven't let them do that in years but at every shopping adventure Jacob forgets.). So, I have to tell him in the store and he grumbles that everyone hates him and he never gets anything. Ugh...this trip is going to suck. We start at the back and work our way up and down the isles with Jacob wanting everything he sees. Literally, EVERYTHING. "Mom, I want Toaster Strudels. PLEEEEEEEASE?" "No, Jacob, we are getting cereal for breakfast." "You never get me anything!" He walks behind me with his arms and head hung low and his lip dragging the floor because I am now the worst mother in the history of mothers. This lasts only for a second because then he sees yogurt and wants that and when I say no, he is dragging on the floor again. We get to the chip isle and to redeem myself in his eyes, I let them each pick out their own chips. Of course, it takes Jacob a long time to make that kind of decision. He will pick one up, run it over to me, then look at it, run back, and pick something else up. He goes through 7 different kinds before deciding on one. The same thing happens down the cereal isle. I am now back to Cool Mom status and he is somewhat listening. He is chattering the whole time and only stops to breathe. I, of course, am inserting my completely uninterested, "Uh-huh." "Really?" "Yeah, that would be cool." I accidently said "Uh-huh" at the time when he asked for a really big snake. "I can really have one?!?" "Huh? No, you can't have a snake." "Oh man! I really want one. How come we don't have an animal?" In my head I tell myself, "Because the animal deserves a chance to live" and chuckle at myself being humorous. He saw some lotion he wanted and when I said no to that, my status quickly went back to Stupid Mom. I can never win. We start going to the check out which is the biggest part I dread. See, Jacob has a really hard time standing in line and keeping his hands off the stupid candy that the evil clerk people put in the checkout lanes. Curse those people. I hope they all die. Don't they know it makes my life miserable?!?! Anyway, Jacob has to handle each and every thing that is there asking if he can have it. I say no about 30 times and he starts getting extremely impatient. I am looking at the cashier and hoping he can read my mind I am saying, "Please, just put the stuff in the bag. I will pay later but I have to get out of here before this nuclear bomb called Jacob goes off. I promise...you won't live to tell about it." Sadly, he can't read my mind and is taking his sweet ass time. "Jacob, don't hang from the cart. Jacob, you are standing too close to that lady. Jacob, please quit hanging from the cart. it will fall over." No sooner had I finished that last statement, than BOOM! He starts screaming and I get the cart off of him. I pick him up and hold him for a bit cursing the cashier for not reading my mind. Jacob was fine and I paid and left. He, again, talked on the way home about nonsense. We get home and what little sanity I started out with has flown out the window. It is now 3:30 and I am wondering if it's okay to start drinking or if it's too early. Clearly I can't drink because he would burn the house down if I were drunk and not checking on him every ten minutes. I let him play on the computer while I put up the groceries. I bought Smarties so we can play Bingo and win prizes thinking this would be fun for the kids. So, after feeding them Eggo waffles, we decide to play Bingo. I tell them that there is no losers in Bingo, only winners so everyone will win some Smarties. We each get 3 cards. "B-6," I call out. "Don't have it. I lose." "Jacob, you do have it. You have to look at your cards." "G-54." "Don't have it." "Jacob, quit looking at the ceiling. Look at your card and your numbers." "I-32." "Don't have it." Yes, this went on for every number. Vic won the first Bingo and,just like my predictions, the nuclear bomb went off in my living room. Cards were flying. Balls were rolling all over the place. "I NEVER WIN!!!!!!!" Wow. "Jacob, we were going to continue to play until everyone wins. Now, calm down. Why don't you go to your room and sit by yourself for a while." He stomped off making sure that the neighbors could hear him and once again the door slammed. After a while, I went in there and talked to him and made him clean up the mess. He went out with me to let Kardia go tinkle and we talked about him building a lake behind the house so he can go fishing for large mouth bass. He found a locust shell and asked if I have ever dissected a locust. "No, baby, I haven't." "Why not?" "I don't know, I just haven't." "Mom?" "Yes, Jacob?" " I love you." "I love you too, baby." "Mom?" "Yes, Jacob?" "Do crickets eat other crickets?" "I don't know Jacob." We go inside and he again puts the pillows on the bed and falls face first in them. It is now 9:00 and I am getting ready for the bedtime battle which usually takes 2 hours. This is actually only a portion of the day and the highlights. Hopefully tomorrow my teleporter powers will work and I can teleport to Ireland since my invisibility powers failed me today. I do love Jacob very much and I am lucky to have him. One day I will look back on these times and be thankful for them. I'm sure not anytime soon...
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