Things I WON'T do in my 30's....

I believe that hard times are good if you learn a lesson from it. I did a LOT of stupid things in my 20's that I am positive I won't do in my 30's. Let me just make a list. Oh, and if any of you see me doing these mentioned things, please refer me back to my list as I may have forgotten.

• I will NEVER throw a 2 week party in my parents house again. They were not pleased. Bad decision on my part.
• I will NEVER trip acid again. My wall ended up with green and purple painted hand prints on it. Apartment complex was not pleased. Again, bad decision on my part.
  
• I will NEVER drive for a month with the oil light on in my car. My car was not pleased. Another bad decision on my part.
  
• I will NEVER jump off a 3rd story balcony due to being drunk and stoned. My body was not pleased. You guessed it...bad decision.
  
• I will NEVER let someone talk me into riding on the tank of a motorcycle while they do a wheelie. The bike was not pleased. Once more, bad decision.
  
• I will NEVER marry a guy I met at a bar. My family and friends were not pleased. Very bad decision.

So, throughout all these, I have learned lessons. Let me make a list of said lessons.

• I will ALWAYS respect my parents. They are the reason I breathe. I love them.
  
• I will ALWAYS think that drugs are bad. Say NO to drugs.
• I will ALWAYS check the oil in my car. There is a reason the light comes on.
  
• I will ALWAYS use the stairs when going down from the 3rd story. Duh!!
• I will ALWAYS remember that I am not a stunt rider. Bikes are dangerous.
• I will ONLY marry a guy that loves me and respects me as his wife. There is NO compromise on that!

In conclusion, I plan that my 30's will be far greater than my 20's. I am older and wiser. I have more knowledge. Also, I plan on being a far better person than what I was in my 20's. I will be compassionate(most of the time), and caring(most of the time), and loving(most of the time). Let's face it...I will still have my attitude. Love me or leave me!! I can't wait to see what I write in my 40's!!!!

One simple word...FAITH.....

I am currently sitting here at my computer thinking a great deal about one word...faith. When all the chips are down and you start sweating bullets over the things that are unseen to come, faith is all you have to hold you together. Life comes at us unexpectedly. There is no manual. There is no script. Faith. That's all we have. My God blessed me with the most wonderful father anyone has ever seen. My father had a heart attack years back. Some say, "If there was a God, why did this happen to him?" My reply is simple...."Since there is a God, he is still here." Faith. We don't know what tomorrow brings. I have faith that whatever shall happen, it will be according to God's plan. Without faith, life is an absolute mess. God doesn't ask a lot from us. Just to believe and have faith. To understand that when we ask for certain things he offers 3 replies-No, Yes, and Wait. The hardest part for us to do is wait. I myself am the most impatient person alive. When I want something, I want it now. Those who truly know me know this to be absolutely true. God is working in me to teach me patience. He is teaching me to use my faith because that's all I have to rely on. I have absolute faith that the best things in life are worth waiting on. When I feel weak, scared, tired and alone I have faith that He will pick me up and push me. He has a wonderful plan for me. I can feel it in my soul. Now I just have to be patient and trust in Him and have faith in wherever He leads me. "He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he. " Deuteronomy 32:4 He has brought me so far. This time I will let Him lead me. I know this is the right path for me. My faith is unshakable.

The treasures of a little boy....

Seeing as how there were smashed up crumbs of Chex Mix in my shoe this morning, I decided to write this to let the public know about how much I have had to clean up in 4 years since God blessed me with a son. You will be tired after reading so be prepared.
*The worst was pouring HUGE bottles of shampoo and conditioner out on carpet. By the way, you can never really get it all up. Add water and it bubbles. And the conditioner leaves a slimy mess. If this ever happens to you, my advice is to simply move.
*I once used to own baby powder. Vacuuming up baby powder is impossible. I'm sure I still have some in my lungs. The house did smell good though. I never bought anymore. Lesson learned.
*I enjoy the finer things in life such as $40 foundation which has great coverage and SPF 14. Apparently my sisters bathtub needed to be painted that particular color of fair(1). When you ask someone else to spank your child after $40 is gone...don't feel ashamed. It's probably best.
*Who knew a bag of long grain rice can really spread throughout the kitchen? It makes a great sound as it's being poured out.
*When one wakes up in the morning to milk in ones shoe, it will not be a good day. I assure you. Get back in bed.
*Poop smeared on the walls and bed really is disgusting. Use your imagination. I refuse to relive that nightmare.
*Sometimes the best place to pee is in your sisters hat. Not good at all. It was such a cute hat too.
*Vasoline in the hair takes WEEKS to get out. Until then, DHS will be called because your son looks entirely unbathed. It's okay. You will get through this.
* Lotion really should have child locks. It ends up in the weirdest places...such as the toilet seat. Watch out for the floor. It'll get you every time.
* Women's shaving cream has a scent that really does linger. And it's really fun to play with under the bed.
*If you ever notice that there seems to be an over abundance of flies in the house, be sure to look under the bed and in every nook and cranny. Flies like to lay eggs in pieces of spam that were hidden for a midnight snack and forgotten about. EWWWWW!!!!!
*Sometimes he thinks he needs deodorant...all over his body. At least he smells clean so when DHS comes for the Vasoline, it throws them off.
*A whole roll of toilet paper will make water pour out of the toilet. I assume this amuses him greatly.

I am sure there is more but my memory has blocked it out. I am a firm believer in the saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle." Throughout these times I know that he is up there laughing at me. I will tell you that after dealing with all this, I feel I can face anything. And for those of you that are wondering where I was...the majority of the times I was sleeping as it was the middle of the night. He's a sneaky one. BUt when he looks at me with those big black eyes, I melt. Part of being a great mommy is loving your child unconditionally. One day I will look back on these times and miss the smashed up Chex Mix in my shoe. One day a long, long, long time from now.

The strength from within....

Hi. My name is Cathy Andrews. I am a Domestic Abuse survivor. I am not a Domestic Abuse victim. There is no victim here. I want you to know that I have come a long way from where I was. I am no longer scared of what may happen. I no longer wake up, get out of bed, and walk on eggshells before I take one step. I am now my own person. I now have a say so in my own life. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...sometimes the bad choices we make haunt us for a lifetime. Only two good things came out of that living arrangement(in my heart and in my eyes it was NOT a marriage). And, I live and breathe for those two things. I have dealt with things people have nightmares about. I have been beat, humiliated, shamed, and ridiculed. But now I must stand up. I must let the evil know that I will no longer be under his rule. He may have controlled me for 6 years but no more. My foot is down. I can't live in fear of if and when he will finally snap to get rid of me. It will be his choice. I cannot stop it. But I won't go down without a fight. I won't back down. If he kills me I won't die silently...I will go kicking and screaming. I know that God has carried me this whole way. My faith in him abides. It is my strength within. When I grow tired of dealing with the evil, I can hear him whisper, "Get up. Keep going." All the sudden my soul becomes enraged. I feel the fire of justice pulsing through me. He cannot do this to me and he cannot do this to my babies. I was just the kind of girl he wanted...the girl who believed there was good in everyone. I know now that is not true. His soul is black. Satan has taken over him. I believe God can change people for the better but first you must have the desire. His eyes show no feeling and no desire. He is dead inside. I feel sorrow for my abuser. He will never know true love or compassion. He will never have the light in his soul. I feel nothing but sorrow for this being who is miserable. Yet, my sorrow won't blind me from what he really is. Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." In ending, people need to know who I am and how I got here. I made a mistake. A costly mistake. One I don't need to be judged for. My bruises have healed. My soul is still healing. I thank my family, friends and those dear to my heart for giving me courage when I need it. I will push forward. One day it will end. On that day, I will rejoice.

There for you....

Lyrics to There For You (Acoustic) by Flyleaf:	Correct These Lyrics

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake;
you're always a true friend.
I don't deserve you;
'cause I'm not there for you.
Oh i wish i would be.

[chorus]I wanna be there for you...
And be, someone you can come to...

Swirling shades of blue
slow dancing in your sky.
The sun kisses the earth,
and I hush my urge to cry.


'cause I hear the whispered words,
with in, your masterpiece, Beautiful...
You speak the unspeakable truth
"I love you, too..."

I wanna be there for you...
And be someone you can come to...
The love runs deeper than my bones...
I wanna be there for you.

Let the rain come down...

Today was especially good. I took my 2 kids to the store and bought 4 loaves of bread. Then we went to the duck pond. The ducks must have smelt the bread because they came running. We threw a couple of pieces at them. That's when the rain came. It couldn't have come on a more perfect day. The ducks were full and the turtles and humongous fish in the pond were enjoying the left overs. I stood there in the rain on this hot day and just enjoyed it washing over me. I watched as my kids were running around in the rain, chasing the ducks. What a beautiful memory I have of them now. Smiling, laughing, and soaking wet. As I watched I realized that this is the part that I should be thinking about. Not how the bills will be paid or how stressful it is being a single mom. These are the moments that I must create for them. These are the memories I will cherish forever and the memories they will talk about for many years. They will tell their children that we all ran in the rain chasing ducks for a brief moment in time. So, let the rain come down. Let it wash over me and cleanse me from all my stress. Let it fall with grace and beauty and cover these children as they laugh and play without any worries. I wish that one day they too will play in the rain with their kids. And enjoy it as much as I have. Come rain, come.

Hmmmmm....

Isn't it funny? Just when I think that I am at the bottom, life throws me a rope. And even though I don't know where this rope leads, I climb it anyway. It's scary on the other side but also very fascinating. There is hope for happiness. All of the sudden I am taken in by warmth. What a wonderful feeling! It radiates through to my very soul. And even though I feel as though the world around me couldn't get any worse, I continue to climb this rope without hesitation. It may lead to the freedom of this cell which I have confined myself to...shutting myself off from feeling anything at all. I am surrounded by rays of light so bright that I can barely open my eyes. The beauty of it all simply takes my breath away. I find myself completely trusting this rope not knowing who is holding it up on the other side. For once I feel something. I can breathe for the first time. My heart beats so loud I can hear it in my ears. I am alive. I open my eyes and see the angel that was put here to hold me up. I can do this on my own and he knows that. It's my strong will to survive that attracts him. The old me has shed that skin of sadness and thinking that the world is evil and that everyone has some sort of hidden agenda to hurt me. The new me is wrapped in security, passion, and a burning desire to succeed. To be the best that I can for me...not anyone else...just me. There are days the rope will fail and I may slide an inch or two. But I need to hold strong and continue upwards to the light. Life is funny like that. Hope is a powerful thing that can come and go with the wind. I will do many great things until I take my last breath.

Into this night I wander,
It's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Into the sea of waking dreams,
I follow without pride,
Cause nothing stands between us here,
And I won't be denied