The strength from within....

Hi. My name is Cathy Andrews. I am a Domestic Abuse survivor. I am not a Domestic Abuse victim. There is no victim here. I want you to know that I have come a long way from where I was. I am no longer scared of what may happen. I no longer wake up, get out of bed, and walk on eggshells before I take one step. I am now my own person. I now have a say so in my own life. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...sometimes the bad choices we make haunt us for a lifetime. Only two good things came out of that living arrangement(in my heart and in my eyes it was NOT a marriage). And, I live and breathe for those two things. I have dealt with things people have nightmares about. I have been beat, humiliated, shamed, and ridiculed. But now I must stand up. I must let the evil know that I will no longer be under his rule. He may have controlled me for 6 years but no more. My foot is down. I can't live in fear of if and when he will finally snap to get rid of me. It will be his choice. I cannot stop it. But I won't go down without a fight. I won't back down. If he kills me I won't die silently...I will go kicking and screaming. I know that God has carried me this whole way. My faith in him abides. It is my strength within. When I grow tired of dealing with the evil, I can hear him whisper, "Get up. Keep going." All the sudden my soul becomes enraged. I feel the fire of justice pulsing through me. He cannot do this to me and he cannot do this to my babies. I was just the kind of girl he wanted...the girl who believed there was good in everyone. I know now that is not true. His soul is black. Satan has taken over him. I believe God can change people for the better but first you must have the desire. His eyes show no feeling and no desire. He is dead inside. I feel sorrow for my abuser. He will never know true love or compassion. He will never have the light in his soul. I feel nothing but sorrow for this being who is miserable. Yet, my sorrow won't blind me from what he really is. Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." In ending, people need to know who I am and how I got here. I made a mistake. A costly mistake. One I don't need to be judged for. My bruises have healed. My soul is still healing. I thank my family, friends and those dear to my heart for giving me courage when I need it. I will push forward. One day it will end. On that day, I will rejoice.