Letting it go...

I had court recently which left me with a bucket full of emotions. The hardest thing was sitting in that court room with him-the one who I refer to as Satan. It was almost as if there was a chill in the air as he glared me down when I sat on the stand. I had to look once more at the pictures of the bruises and I had to look over the threatening text messages. It brought tears to my eyes. Not because I miss him or still love him or anything like that, but because I remember the feeling I had. I never want to feel that helpless again. I don't even know that girl anymore. She died that day. That was the me who didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't care. The other thing that happened that day is all of the hate came back. My soul was screaming at him through my tight lips and whispered voice. "How dare you treat me that bad! You should rot in hell for what you did!" It took all I had not to say something. It's hard not to hate his family for what they do. I don't want to hate them. Hate creates bitterness in your heart. My heart has no room for that. I have to remind myself that God will deal with all of them as He sees fit. I need to think about the things I have that he doesn't. He has all this money and a nice truck and tons of nice things...I have the kids. He will never know love like I know love with Mike. He will never be truly happy. I will be happy for the rest of my life. I love that the kids can see me happy now. They see their mom laugh, smile, and love. I am okay now. I can let it go. I can be at peace. My life has so many more riches that he can't buy with all the money in the world. We have a wonderful God who has given us the ability to choose to forgive. I forgive him. I forgive them. But that doesn't mean I am going to let them hurt me again. They are removed from my head. From this moment on, I live free of all of it. I appreciate all the prayers and the well wishes. My life begins now!!!!